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July 02 "Love The One You're With"? Sometimes blunt comments from your friends and lovers are the best way to put your life in perspective. Sort of like pulling off a bandaid: quick sting and smarts for a bit afterward, but time for the shield protecting the wound to come off so that the air and light can help in the healing process. I had dinner tonight with a friend of mine who has been single since she and her partner broke up about three years ago. I've been listening to her stories of online dating since then, and every story she tells me gives me the impression that she leads people on. She insists that isn't it, she just "knows" very quickly if someone is going to fit or not. I argued that you cannot decide if someone is a potential match based on a profile and 20-30 lines of exchanged text via emai/IM/chat. My point is that you have to at least have some *meaningful* conversations. Dating is like job searching: first impressions are important but not what is going to get you the job. Trust me, I know. I've been a recruiter for the last seven years. (So has she, I might add!) I don't really like online dating. It's a fine way to build up your "candidate pool" but nothing takes the place of meeting someone. Let's exchange a few emails, talk on the phone, then sit down for some 1:1 time. People online have two strikes against them. 1) They are on their best behavior 2) The are nervous. Especially men. I've been casually seeing an old lover of mine the last couple of months. We've known each other for over a dozen years. That chemistry has been kind of fun to rekindle, but the reasons we never "dated" still apply. We aren't exclusive, and for me the fact that it really doesn't bother me tells me all I need to know about my feelings on this relationship: fun and flirty, but if it became platonic tomorrow, no harm done. To be honest, I'm being lazy. I don't want to go through the bother of meeting, getting to know someone, blah blah blah. I'm not sure I'm ready for a committed relationship in my life right now. The last one left a really nasty taste in my mouth. But I do like having someone to do things with; current guy likes the occasional booty call but doesn't really want to put any effort into more than that. I need to find a nice happy medium. Ah well. Enough philosophic postulations on my love life. Have a great weekend one and all. Happy 4th July! July 01 Never ending circle You know when life brings something in your life around in a full circle? Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Lessons to learn, debts to be paid, all those myriad things we seem to accrue as "experiences" as we move along the wheel of life. Yes, I see old threads in the tapestry of my life reemerging. Some I have intentionally pulled to the fore, others are being brought by the great Weaver. As with everything else in my life, one thing I can be sure of: IT'S NEVER BORING. June 30 Do you ever hate the way the written word conveys ideas? My written communications are usually pretty clear, but every now and then I look at a note or email or IM conversation I've had with someone and cringe because I realize I come off "wrong" (bitchy, snippy, arrogant, stupid, take your pick.) I had that happen with someone today. Our relationship has a few communication glitches to begin with, and it's something I'm working on, but add total tonal ships in the night, and it can be frustrating. For someone that deals with communication as sort of a given strength, it can be doubly frustrating. And my friend is an ABYSMAL typist; half the time I cannot cipher out what he's written! But what are you going to do? Move on. Live and learn. June 29 "No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should"-DesiderataHave you ever wondered about your "life's work", in the sense that your raison d'etre or overall purpose in this life?
I have been lucky enough to recognize part of my own purpose or calling, and to recognize when that purpose is getting ready to "activate", if you will. In my own case, I have some unique skills and abilities that help other people move onto new phases of their lives. Sometimes this process is short, like exposing them to a new activity or introducing them to someone that will become important to them. Sometimes it's just a conversation or series of them.
But other times it's a very long process, something that is built in steps over longer periods of time. Sometimes those steps are years in the process, building up to a personal epiphany for the other person. At some point they will be open to listening or learning whatever message it is that I have to teach (or impart or whatever.) But for *me* the important thing is recognizing that I'm a *catalyst*. And one of the things about being a catalyst is inherent in the definition:
-something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected.
- a person or thing that precipitates an event or change: His imprisonment by the government served as the catalyst that helped transform social unrest into revolution. That whole "without itself being affected" piece is part and parcel of the lessons *I* am tasked with learning. Being someone that makes emotional connections with others (sometimes to my own detriment!) I often have to keep a certain amount of distance. Feeling a tug to *help* someone without becoming embroiled in whatever self-actuation they are undergoing can be tough. And some of the situations I've found myself in the past make it mighty difficult.
So right now, a couple of people I know (actually more than a couple...several) are entering or already in that epiphany phase and I'm sort of mid-wifing them through portions of it. They don't have any clue that I'm doing this, of course. But there is one person in particular that I'm trying to remember to keep that distance from, because if I don't it could have some far reaching effects on *my* process. I just realized over the last few days that this is what is happening in our relationship, and it is helpful because I have a context for this swirl of impressions and feelings I've been dealing with and been confused by the last few weeks.
Mystery solved, epiphany attained, thoughts processed. I may now return to my regularly scheduled life :) June 28 Are You In A Play? I wrote this today for my FB profile. It occurs to me that FB gives people from my past a glimpse into my present, and that some of those friends go back farther than others, and may be wondering what the heck some of the pictures and posts I've been making recently are about. If you knew me in HS but not in college, I realize that you might think I'm a bit loony, so here you get a brief synopsis of my involvement in the SCA, or Society for Creative Anachronism, which many of the people I call friends, and share a connection to FB, also belong to. First of all, the SCA is a 44-year old, non-profit educational group dedicated to the study and recreation of the history, arts, sciences, and culture of the Middle Ages. (Yes, a version of this is on my resume.) For a complete history of our organization, please visit: http://sca.org/officers/chatelain/sca-intro.html. So what does that mean? Well, in it's basic form, we are a live-action role play group. It's easiest to use one or two comparisons. The Civil War reenactment group and the Mountain Men are other similar groups. But I think it's closer to say that our nearest cousin is the Renaissance Festival to put things in context for people. There are differences: our events are not scripted. We adopt a "persona", a character and a personality for that character that we portray while we are "in situ". Our group has a cross-section of times and countries from roughly 600-1600 AD, so we aren't all in, say, Elizabethan England in 1598. As a non-profit organization, we often put on demonstrations as schools, libraries, sometimes in community celebrations. We welcome questions, and most of us that have been with the Society for any amount of time have been known to shepherd visitors around (I did that this weekend.) I found the SCA in college in 1987. Several of my sorority sisters were involved, and considering that my minor was Medieval Studies, it wasn't a great leap of faith to assume I would fit in and have a blast. Many young people start in the SCA in college. For many men it is the lure of the heavy combat: armor, swords and shields, chivalry. We have tournaments, feasts, revels etc. Keeping in mind that we also practice skills such as weaving, brewing, cooking, illumination/calligraphy, costuming, and numerous others, our arts and sciences aspect also appeals to a very wide variety of individuals. But beyond the activities that bind us, there is one thing all of seem to have and believe in: a sense of community revolving around the precept of personal honor. In a word, we call it chivalry. In practice it translates to a hundred different types of behaviors and beliefs that all share an open-mindedness, willingness to help others out, belief in community as a sort of extended family, and honesty. I was fairly involved in the SCA in college, and took a brief hiatus after I graduated and moved back home with my folks for a couple of years; my "home" barony was in the Dayton, OH region (also close to the Cincinnati, OH group.) When I ended up moving to Cincinnati in 1992, I again became very involved with the local group. In 1995, when I made the decision to move to the Pacific Northwest, one of the things that made the decision easy for me was knowing that I had a group of friends with similar interests and values waiting to meet me. Yes, I'm serious. We have over 30,000 documented members and at least that many or more non-paying members around the world. So when I moved it was with faith that I would make friends once I got here, and I did. They are still my closest friends here and also in OH. About ten years ago, I ended up taking a "break" from the Society, as many people do for various reasons. Some people outgrow it. Some people lose interest (it takes an enormous amount of time and commitment to make it a "lifestyle".) Others find that having a family puts a damper on their enjoyment. Sometimes it's financial. In my case I burned out then I started dating someone "mundane" (what we call the "outside world") who, although he went to a couple of events with me, had no interest in the whole thing. Then I got a job seven years ago working weekends. But I have missed the SCA. As I get older, I realize that I want to be with people who share my interests, beliefs, and values. I always felt that the SCA was a family for me, and my friends that I met via the Society remain some of the strongest, most integral parts of my extended network. So now, I'm making the effort to try and go to some events, have some fun, and rediscover something that has had a far-reaching effect on me. In HS, I was an avid horseback rider. When I first joined the Society, Equestrian Events were not common. It's only been in about the last 10-15 years that they have become a part of our culture (mostly from insurance needs, definitely not out of a lack of interest!) So I'm moving back into that realm and combining the two, which is why so many pictures of horses this weekend. So, there you have it. The introduction to Landinn , my "alter ego" of the last twenty-odd years. June 23 There is no "i" in team OK, so last Friday one of my coworkers asks me, "are you planning on going to the job social?" And I said "yes". (I go every month.) "Great, I'm planning on going as well." My response: "awesome. I'll be in orientation until about 4 that day; will you bring the job descriptions and biz cards (mine are on order). "Sure". So this morning she stopped by Orientation to procure the other newbie on our team for client meetings. She confirmed she'd be at the social. Guess what? I ended up there by myself. No job descriptions, no card, and she hadn't emailed the organizer so no name tags and no space. Luckily they are friends of mine and got me space. It was a long night of me faking it. June 22 Meeeowww Ftftft You know, I like women as friends. Except when they start playing little manipulative games when male attention is involved. It's so incredibly irritating, and to be honest, I just don't care enough most of the time to deal with it. And the ones that play these games think they are being so clever. They honestly think I cannot see what is under my nose. Come on, I've been at this for a *long time*. I can see it coming from a mile away. The dear boys, bless their little hearts, generally don't even see what's going on. Or if they do, they get that puffed up male pride that makes me go "ick" and walk away. C'mon people, we left high school *decades* ago. Grow up and act your age. Geez. June 21 Ooof Now that I'm working FT, I just want to veg out on Sundays. But there is so much to do! I managed to get laundry done today, but not much else. I'm trying to decide if I can/should drag my carcass outside now that the sun has made an appearance. It *is* the summer solstice, after all! Tomorrow evening should be interesting.I'm going to a stitch n' bitch with someone. Her neighbor introduced us (he and I have been somewhat casually involved recently). Hoping to get some sewing done for next weekend for an SCA event near home. She's going to see if he will cook us dinner LOL. Ah well, back to my chores. And the great outdoors! June 20 It's amazing how geography broadens our horizons I'm playing Scrabble with a total stranger on FB and we're talking about our respective homes. He's in Toronto (one of my favorite cities!). He was talking about how it's going to be really crowded next weekend with the pride weekend. I mentioned that today was the Solstice Parade with a bunch of nudists on bicycles and how you have a really cross-section of subcultures in Seattle (one of the reasons I love it here so much.) When I moved to the PNW from the midwest, my idea of an "alternative" lifestyle was pretty much "gay." Now, it's more along the lines of "bisexual polyamorous pagans." That describes a pretty broad cross section of my social circle. When I lived in Ohio, I only met one person that identified as "polyamorous". She and I never did get along (probably because she and I were both interested in the same guy, and he chose me.) But I always respected her choices. But now, the life I lead is so different than how I thought it would be twenty years ago. Much better, but if I hadn't made that move, I never would have been exposed to so many of the things that make my life as interesting and fulfilling as it is. Technology alone, and working at Microsoft has given me a view of the world that is so incredibly different than what I would have had in Ohio. As I keep saying, moving to Seattle was the *best* thing I ever did for myself, on so many levels! June 18 Round like a circle in a spiral like a wheel within a wheel Do you ever tempt fate? Maybe tweak her nose? Just because you can and because you are feeling particularly smug or whatever? Yeah, me too. Just did so. I'm waiting to see how long it takes before it comes back 'round to me. It always does. I'm seeing so many life circles coming round to close loops. Some figure 8's also signaling infinity. Should be interesting to see what the next few months bring to light. June 17 More grateful every day That my parents TOOK ME AWAY soon after birth. I was born in Texas. I have been back there 5 times as an adult. And I am intensely GLAD my parents relocated BACK to Ohio and I grew up a Buckeye. I just sent an AWESOME job lead to someone I know. Just up her alley, doing the things she wants to do, with PAID RELO and I know the Director of Recruiting at the company.. But she won't leave Texas. She cannot find a job there, she lives with her parents and they are on her case to find a job, but SHE WON'T LEAVE. OY! She's single, no serious relationship, young, healthy. Well, a few more years in the school of hard knocks may change her tune. Who knows. June 14 Weekends... Well, now I remember why weekends seem to short; in my case, they are because of the whole working on Saturday thing. But today I took it easy, just got back from a walk with the pups, and am getting ready to wind down and go to bed. I've got to be at Orientation tomorrow morning at 7:45 at Harborview. Checking bus vs. bus/shuttle schedule. OK, have a great evening one and all! June 11 If It Wasn't For The Whiskey - my social media crusade... I was bonding with one of my coworkers today, sharing musical tastes, and I discovered that my favorite country music singer (really, the only country music CD I own) finally has a decent video out there to post. The song, "If It Wasn't For The Whiskey" tells the story of an adult child of an alcoholic. Having lost one of my close friends to the effects of alcoholism two years ago I've undertaken a quest to try and help Zac Hacker get the recognition he deserves as a talented singer/songwriter by using social media to "spread the word" about his remarkable talent. I also like most of the songs on his CD, especially "Emily", one of the most poignant stories I've heard. So Rosanne, this quest is in your memory. If It Wasn't For The Whiskey June 10 "You're Fired"! FINALLY some sanity She got a second chance and she blew it even with the Donald by refusing to carry out her contractual agreements. Did I not predict this last month? (I DID!) So, in her typical sidestepping fashion, Carrie Prejean is claiming that losing the Miss California crown comes because of her answer to the gay marriage question at the Miss USA pageant. Actually before she figures that out she claims she has no idea why it's happening. Because she also says that obviously Donald Trump is doing what is best for her. Honestly, what would be *best* for her is take on one career at a time. I wonder how long before the conservative endorsements dry up now that she isn't any sort of important figurehead. Oh, and when will she be posing for Playboy then claiming it never happened? That would be more entertaining than Hef losing all his women in a year. June 08 Had a good first day of work Got all my badges (seems sort of silly to have THREE of them) and email is up, which is much better than my last contract at MSFT! Met with the director, he's a good guy. Has a lot of things he wants to do. First thing after the meeting is I set up a Twitter account LOL. It's interesting to look at the culture at UW vs. the tech companies I have worked for. The other new recruiter also has an IT background, with lots of MSFT in it. She lives in Redmond. Finally managed to break the ice when I found out she's a Twilight fiend. You see, vampires pave the way! :) The weather cleared up today so that it was sunny and breezy. Tomorrow I'm going with open-toed shoes hurray! As long as it isn't over 85 I'm happy. But boy was I sleepy when I got home. Originally I thought it was my late lunch, but at 6:30 I just laid down for a short nap. Now I've popped a load of laundry in. Ah well. June 07 Dag. It's called a Dag. Repeat after me: dag. I went to an SCA Event today for the first time in a *very* long time. (Working on Saturdays plus not having a car for 5 years sort of does that to you.) I made it to June Faire today. Dude, if I had bothered to look at a flippin' map, I could have saved myself almost an hour and several gallons of gas by taking the ferry. Grrr. Oh well, live and learn. First person I ran into was an old friend. She wanted to change out of her bodice and for the life of me I couldn't remember what the fabric pieces at the bottom were called (I'll never forget as you can see by my subject heading for today.) I found an awesome belt...lattice work with fleurs de lis on stamped on it (hah, just realized it's sort of like my corset fabric...wonder if that's a good sign!) I had a really good time. Makes me really consider this whole part time job thing. I mean, it's been 7 years and I have a decent wardrobe. On the other hand, that 40% pay cut means every little extra bit helps. But I really miss the SCA and now that I can *get* places, it sort of makes me pine for it. On the other hand, I have a *lot* of work to do to prepare to get back into the lifestyle, including a ton of sewing (although I have fabric enough.) Well, I have time. Tomorrow I start my new job, so that is sort of occupying my mind. I'll try with an update tomorrow or Tuesday.  June 05 Finally cooled down I'm all for fun in the sun, but it has been ridiculously hot in Seattle the last few days, hitting 90. It's very unusual for this time of year. Normally we are wearing spring clothes until July. Heck the first year I lived in the NW I was wearing a turtleneck in June! I'm very glad I can go back to jeans for the rest of the month as I really haven't unearthed the rest of my summer clothes. I did get a nice bit of color on my face, though, which I'm sure will slowly fade as the days indoors go on with my new job. Busy day; off to finish some SCA garb, then I'm saying goodbye to Kiva; I've known her for 11 years, more than half her life. She is a good dog. I work at the store tomorrow, then Sunday if it stays dry I'm off to June Faire (thus the garb). If it rains, well, I have plenty to do around the house. June 03 Gorgeous weather Taking advantage of the awesome weather for the next few days. I visited a friend and had breakfast al fresco this morning with an incredibly blue sky. Then came home and hit the farmers market and Snowleo met up with us with the pups; finally got a couple of photos with me and them. :) We took them for a long walk today. Nadia finally became a water dog. We discovered that the way to get her to do anything is throw an object for her to fetch LOL. Ah the smell of wet dog on a hot afternoon...my legs are sore from the walking and some exercise yesterday. Looking forward to the new job; it's all official and everything. So much to do in preparation. It's supposed to rain next week (make it a bit easier to give up my outdoor freedom!) Ah well. Life is looking up. The only sad news is that one of my friends has made the decision that it is time to put her beloved 20 year old dog to sleep. She has been having health problems since New Year's Eve. I will see if I can go over and say goodbye; I've known Kiva for half her life.   May 30 New Job!So it's official. I start a new job on 6/8. It's recruiting, but for the University of WA. FT, not contract. Benefits are great. Took a pay cut but it's going to be much better than sitting around! This weekend I'm watching the puppies while Snowleo is surprising his Mum with a visit for her birthday. Other than the barking at 2 AM things are going OK, though I may end up sleeping at home tonight. The weather is nice, a bit cooler but more humid than yesterday (I can live with that.)
I sound like a frog from this bug, but feeling much better. Hopefully by mid week I'll be back to normal! May 27 Ingenuity, outside the box, whatever Several years ago, I worked as the Content Editor for xbox.com, and I learned a lot of cool production techniques from my officemate (the first one not the one I ended up dating a few years later.) I think that experience sort of changed the way I use my PC on a lot levels. So last week I had to sign and return a document (for the featured spot my blog got on the recruiting portal). I wasn't at home and my scanner doesn't work real well anyway, then I thought, "hey, I have a tablet. I can write on it." So I opened a blank screen, switched to stylus mode and recorded a signature. Then I took a screen capture of it, threw it in Paint, then put it into the release as a text box. Worked pretty well. But I have been pondering creativity and how our minds work. I wonder why some people sort of lose their creativity as they get older (or at least the ability to think in new ways as the world changes.) I see this happening to so many people, but I just enjoy thinking in new ways and learning new ways of viewing the world. Is it because I'm right-brained? Or due to the years I've spent in technology? I don't know, but I hope to God I never lose this ability. |
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